I had a bit of a brain dump the other day, just writing about my relationship with stuff, and how I have come to be a hoarder and the things that led to me unlearning those behaviours. I'm going to post each section over the next few days. Some of them could be long. Just warning you.
I used to be a hoarder. I would:
- buy things because I liked them or thought they would be useful, and they were a good price
- keep things because one day they might come in handy
- keep things because I had spent so much money on them and it seemed wasted if I got rid of the item
I first knew I was a hoarder when I was 12. I just had no clue that keeping stuff could be a problem. Mum was helping me pack my room ready to move house and found a pile of out-of-date gossip magazines. I had kept them for in case I needed the photos for something.
I think I know why. You see, my father died just before my sixth birthday, and then Mum remarried. Then when I was ten we moved down to Brisbane, then two years later moved back to Townsville. I was a socially awkward kid (I’m on the nerdy side!), and those couple of years in Brisbane were the easiest years by far.
I think that in my subconscious I’ve been afraid to let things go in case I lose something important and can’t get it back, or don’t have it when I need it. Holding on to stuff gives me some control, or at least the illusion of control.
But instead, I’ve been out of control of my stuff, and I’ve discovered that there are things in life you just can’t control. Things like death and the economy and the weather and other people. Things that happen despite from your stuff, and can sometimes take away your stuff.